This article is a personal journey and admission of guilt. Yes, I feel guilty for losing weight. Click the read more button and follow along my journey and plan to conquer.
I've been very open about my journey over the years, so as a quick recap for those of you that don't know, I was at my peak fitness and smallest size (healthy), until I suffered an injury and never got back into fitness. It took me a while to accept becoming plus size, and then I took it on full force and really advocated for other plus size women and cosplayers.
I started the keto diet this year, and I've seen great results from it. Recently on Instagram I shared a photo of my success and I started to feel guilty about my weight loss.
I felt like with my weight loss, I was letting down the plus size community. I know, that's a ridiculous thing to think, but I tend to put heavy emphasis on what everyone else thinks. I felt like if I got skinnier, I would be banished from the community, or would be looked down upon by others, or worse, lose the ability to inspire others.
Losing weight is just as hard a journey as gaining it. When you gain weight, you deal with emotional turmoil, denial, depression, and more depending on the person. Weight loss has it's own trials. It's hard. Sticking to a strict diet, or going to the gym routinely is extremely tiring, and sometimes it takes so long to see results, you begin to experience self doubt.
So for me, I deal with all these doubts and push through all these challenges, only to feel guilty for getting healthy. I feel like I'm not working hard enough, like I should be running an hour each day, eating kale at each meal, and I feel like I've cheated the system and now I'm letting people down.
Now, this is about self affirmation more than trying to prove myself, but I'm writing it for anyone else who's ever felt the same way:
It is OKAY to do what's best for your body. Being healthy and strong is important, no matter what size. I'm sure you've seen the #skinnythick trend with women with tiny waists and huge thighs, and I think it's a nice segway between skinny society and curvy society.
The most important thing to me was how this process makes me feel. Before the keto diet I would binge eat, get fast food at late hours, eat donuts and cinnamon buns and anything that had bread or sugar in it. I would always feel bloated and get headaches and just chalked it up to eating too much, or not drinking enough water.
BUT, after being on keto for only two weeks, I never experienced a headache, and I never had that gross bloated feeling. And for me, that is more important than the guilt of losing weight. It's always hard to remember that ME comes first.
And I think most people see that too. It's only my distorted mind that says people will be disappointed, or lose interest. As with anything, people follow others for the person they are, and for sharing what they enjoy. So I'm pushing through my doubt and being OK to proceed with my decision.
If you're experiencing this too, I encourage you to always be OK with self care. It is the most important thing, whether it's mental or physical. I'm still feeling a bit guilty in my mind, but I know what I'm doing is good, so I will keep doing it and being healthy and encouraging others to feel the same.
If you have any questions or doubts of your own, feel free to message me and we can have a discussion, or even comment below! We all struggle somewhere!